2:27am, 17 May 2012
First post for this year. Much has happened. The opposite is true for some areas in my life. I am mentally exhausted, but I need to press on. Someone said This is THE year. And I told someone "THIS, is THE YEAR. Not sure if regurgitating what happened so far will make any difference, and it is pretty pointless? What has happened, had. What hasn't, well, is the things worth a look out for. The next 10 days are definitely worth looking out. Afterall it has been 8 years since I visited that part of the country. G'day! Flinders Street Station! I remember the florist at this train station. Not the person selling flowers, but the stall. It is a nice space to walk pass in the morning.
Eight years ago, I went there on a somewhat timely getaway with A. We talked about taking a trip after having worked a few years and accumulated some money for globetrotting. That was the time I received the sms from L that he was getting married. I was zombified, I wrote him e-mails. He told me to be strong, get on with life. Most vividly, "Take in the cold and take care of yourself." He knew I love to travel and we went on several trips together. At that point, I was so determined to live life to the fullest, even without him by my side. So now eight years have passed, I almost forgot if I kept my determination to live a fulfilling life. I guess I did, somewhat, if not fervently, at least I have made it a point to try new things, meet new people, treasure friendships and harnessed resilience. Yes, to be resilient and bounce back quick enough. No time to waste on things that didn't really matter, or people. Those who are 'not meant to be', my fingers opened one by one and let them slipped away. Then there are those I have never gripped in the first place. They just slipped away on their own.
The recent months have set me thinking a lot. Really, not exaggerating- perhaps many times more than the last 3 years put together. My thoughts were there in the head, but there was little time or energy to set the thinking wheel turning, and churning ideas. Not that I have slightly more time, the thoughts flew! Having consecutive thoughts, one after another, and thoughts running in series, sometimes overlapping each dream.